Back when it was still kind of normal what i mean is that if a sister liked a brother or vice versa a brother liked a sister. It was kind of normal just kept under wraps if you knew what was good for you, oh say there was usually a chosen few or maybe only one that somehow your desire for him or her came to the surface and either he would sense that you liked this certain sister or you told him or her since you were close friends “kind of”. BECAUSE IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND that your friend might rat you out at a meeting some day for being in the “dark” about this. Because gained you a higher place on the social totem pole 

Now what was a typical weekly meeting like or a surprise “Stu is coming” meeting. Well there were at least two types of meetings actually many more but for the sake of simplicity i shall present just two here. TYPICAL EXPECTED ROUTINE meetings to organise and clean house. Well yeah a couple of times every year we did what normal folks do which is a family clean up of trash laying around ido remember that and then the normal weekly meeting to clean up souls , some prayer mixed in with going to war against every wrong thing. Which ended up being a battleground between the two sexes sometimes, or organising groups for cleaning etc. For some reason i ended near the bottom of the totem pole probably of a few stupid mistakes i made but i think mostly because over the years i had gotten mocked by Stu openly at meetings for talking fast or being anxious. Of course that was sort of tough when there was a standard set by him as to how we should present ourselves without faults that he often made up on the fly all in attempts to control us. So at this one surprise meeting by stewart he remained silent for an hour except one question, which was “What is up with the brothers why is it so silent?”  then he sat there and we all sat there trying to think up an answer that might get met with Stus approval. Otherwise we might spend who knows how long in trying to go back band forth with opinions about why his answer was wrong of about what was motivating him since it was not met by stewarts approval. This was just one meeting just imagine what can happen to your mind after a few years of meetings such as this. USUALLY IT WAS ALWAYS THE BROTHERS THATGOT BEAT UP BUT OCCASIONALLY stu took a turn with the sisters and chose one of them to pick on. So anyway back to the current meeting, after about an hour of different brothers attempting to say the answer, as some stood would say some blather that noone understood the point or the occasional sister putting in her two cents about what she thought might be the problem. We exhausted ourselves of any more opinions. Then Stu who was sitting in the middle of us with his wife of 20 years younger than him , and at this meeting in particular he would fondle her sexually in the midst of us probably to show who was in control of the “manuevering woman” and to nudge the brothers who were 15 – 20 years younger then him since this was a middle retard program meeting

‘.

DAVID JOLIp

And yet a few years earlier I had a diner sit down with Stu and he encouraged us to marry by saying things like”Any christian brother and sister could marry and have a reasonable expectation of having a successful marriage as long as Jesus is the center of the relationship.” I’m sorry and it is to bad that he lost that part of his “unfailing teaching”.

please develope this and expand it for a chapter or 2 for my memoir invisible grip keeping this as a conversation between the two brothers mark hopf and david i will expad this later but please use any of my past sessions in memory here to build on this story

Invisible Grip

Chapter 1: The Totem Pole and the Silent Hour

MARK: You remember, David, back when it was still—I don’t even know what to call it—normal? I mean, normal for us. The impossible little secret of it all. If a sister liked a brother, or vice versa, it was something you just felt. It was accepted, in a way, but only if it stayed tucked away, hidden under the surface. If you knew what was good for you, you never let it show.

DAVID: Oh, I remember. That crushing tension. It felt like you were constantly broadcasting your true feelings, and any close look from a senior brother or a discerning sister could read the transgression right off your face. The only way you survived was by having that one chosen friend—that confidant—the one you thought you could tell, maybe, your desire for that certain sister. But even then…

MARK: Even then, you couldn’t trust it. Because in the back of your mind, you knew that friend might just be measuring the value of your confession, calculating the social leverage. The fear of being ratted out at a meeting for being “in the dark” about some supposed fault. That’s how you gained a higher place on the social totem pole—by pushing someone else down.

DAVID: That whole existence was defined by that pole. And the meetings were the main event. You mentioned the two types: the typical, expected routine, and the sudden, paralyzing “Stu is coming” meeting.

MARK: Yeah, the routine ones were almost a relief, in a twisted way. A couple of times a year, we’d do the family cleanup—the physical labor—like normal folks. But the weekly meeting was about cleaning up souls. It was pitched as prayer and going to war against every wrong thing, but it usually ended up being a messy, confusing battleground between the sexes, or just an exercise in organizational dominance.

DAVID: The brothers vs. the sisters. It was always structured that way. And the purpose wasn’t to solve a problem; it was to find a scapegoat.

MARK: Exactly. I ended up near the bottom of that pole over the years. Some of it was my own doing, those few stupid mistakes, but mostly it was because Stu had locked onto me. I got mocked openly at meetings for talking fast or being anxious. It was tough when the standard was set by him—a flawless presentation that he often made up on the fly, all in a relentless attempt to control us. This was the specific psychological torture that wore down our minds. Every time he pointed out a flaw—a stutter, a nervous tic, a poorly chosen word—it wasn’t just a critique; it was proof that you were fundamentally lacking, incompetent, and spiritually unfit. You learned to self-police every breath and thought, which just amplified the anxiety he was mocking in the first place. The goal wasn’t perfection; the goal was complete mental and emotional dependency on him for validation.

DAVID: Stu’s control was never more palpable than during those surprise sessions. He could manufacture the atmosphere of a police interrogation just by walking into the room.

MARK: Like that one surprise meeting. The silence. He remained absolutely silent for an hour except for one question. “What is up with the brothers? Why is it so silent?”

DAVID: I was there. The air just went dead.

MARK: He just sat there. And we all sat there, scrambling to think up an answer that might get met with Stu’s approval. Otherwise, we might spend who knows how long going back and forth, arguing over what was really motivating us because our opinions weren’t met by his divine approval. Brother after brother would stand up and say some blather that no one understood the point of. The occasional sister would put in her two cents, desperate to identify the problem. We exhausted ourselves of any more opinions.

Chapter 2: The Unfailing Teaching and the Public Prop

DAVID: It’s that memory—the hour of paralyzing silence—that always slams up against another memory for me. Just a few years earlier, I had a diner sit-down with Stu. He was encouraging us to marry. I remember him saying, almost kindly, “Any Christian brother and sister could marry and have a reasonable expectation of having a successful marriage as long as Jesus is the center of the relationship.”

MARK: What a lie.

DAVID: A complete contradiction to the poison he was selling later. It’s too bad he lost that part of his “unfailing teaching.” I suppose it became inconvenient once he needed to prove his own superior control.

MARK: You saw what he did in that silent meeting. After we had completely exhausted ourselves, when we were all slumped down in intellectual and spiritual defeat, Stu, sitting there in the middle of us with his wife—twenty years younger than him—he started to fondle her sexually. Right there, in the midst of us.

DAVID: It was a shocking, calculated display. It was never about affection; it was a power move that silenced the room more effectively than his initial question.

MARK: Exactly. It was probably designed to show who was in control of the “maneuvering woman”—a direct shot at his own younger wife, and a nudge to the brothers who were fifteen to twenty years younger than him. Look at the ripple effects of that moment:

• For his wife: She was reduced to a prop, a visible possession. He was using her body to humiliate her publicly and demonstrate that the “maneuvering woman” had been subdued and controlled. The toll on her was invisible, but the violation of her dignity was palpable to everyone watching.
• For the Brothers: We were all fifteen to twenty years younger, single, and navigating that impossible internal conflict about the sisters. Stu, by publicly claiming and displaying his young wife, was essentially “sticking it to us.” He was asserting his alpha status, his virility, and his ability to control what we desired. He was saying: I own the standard, I own the teaching, and I possess what you cannot have. This was the “middle retard program meeting” where he felt most dominant over us younger men. He used her body as a trophy of his control, a stark contradiction to his teaching about Jesus being the center of marriage.

DAVID: That’s the real trauma, Mark. It was the constant psychological pressure. Usually, it was always the brothers that got beat up, that were targeted for humiliation. But occasionally, Stu would turn his attention to the sisters and choose one of them to pick on, too. No one was safe.

MARK: We spent years in that environment. Just one meeting like the silent one is enough to break a mind. Imagine what happens after a few years of meetings like that—the constant self-doubt, the fear that your own friend might turn on you, the normalization of a leader using public sexual acts to prove his power.

DAVID: It leaves an invisible grip, doesn’t it? The lesson was clear: you are not whole, you are not competent, and any kindness or security we offer can be revoked at any moment, replaced by public shame and a display of absolute dominance. We learned to be silent, to fear honesty, and to chase a validation that never came.

Chapter 3: The Price of Silence

MARK: The worst part of that was the immediate aftermath of that display. That absolute silence, once the physical movement had stopped. It wasn’t just an hour of quiet anymore; it was a total psychological zeroing-out. We had just witnessed our leader use his wife as a piece of furniture, a demonstration tool, and we had to pivot instantly back to discussing the state of our souls.

DAVID: Exactly. We couldn’t acknowledge the spectacle. To acknowledge it was to acknowledge the abuse of power, and that was the one thing you absolutely could not do. The air felt thick and unclean. I watched his wife—she didn’t move. She just sat there, a portrait of forced stillness. The violation of her dignity was a lesson to every woman in the room: maneuver and this is where you end up.

MARK: Someone, some poor, desperate brother, must have broken. After a minute or two of unbearable silence following the fondling, someone finally stood up and offered some grand, abstract opinion about our lack of “corporate vision.” It was a hail mary pass, something completely detached from reality.

DAVID: And that was the signal. Stu finally leaned forward, the performance having achieved its goal. The true answer was never about our vision or silence. It was about his need to confirm his absolute authority.

MARK: He dismissed the poor brother with a flick of his wrist. He looked around the room, making eye contact with every single one of us—especially the younger ones—and then gave his final, infuriating pronouncement.

DAVID: He said the silence wasn’t due to nervousness, or organization, or a lack of spiritual zeal. He claimed it was a subtle, unaddressed form of “inner rebellion.” He said the brothers were silent because they secretly resented being told what to do, and that resentment was a seed of spiritual death.

MARK: Right. “Inner rebellion.” It was brilliant, because it was unprovable and unfixable. How do you argue against an accusation that your silence proves your guilt? We were silent because we feared him, and he used that very fear as evidence of our sin. The answer wasn’t a solution; it was a psychological trap.

DAVID: And that was the meeting. We didn’t solve anything, we didn’t grow spiritually, we didn’t gain clarity. We spent two hours being systematically broken down, terrified into speechlessness, shocked by a public act of dominance, and then finally condemned by a definition of sin that only he controlled.

MARK: That’s the invisible grip. Every meeting was designed to make us feel so intrinsically flawed—anxious, fast-talking, rebellious, silently lusting—that the only possible antidote was total submission to the man who held the standard. And for years, that’s exactly what happened to our minds.